If you are just beginning to learn about issues of race and gender, you probably have questions you might be hesitant to ask. We are more than happy to help. Below are some common questions, and feel free to contact us if you don't see yours below.
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Click to learn more, or scroll down to see all FAQs:
Gender identity and pronouns
Gender identity and pronouns
Q: What is the most respectful way to find out someone's gender identity?
A: You can't tell by looking at someone what their gender is, and in most cases you don't need to know. It would be better to ask someone what their pronouns are as quietly and respectfully as possible. Sharing your own pronouns first is a great way to initiate the conversation. Here is some helpful information about how to ask about pronouns with another individual or in a group.
Q: What if I can't ask someone their pronouns? What pronouns do I use?
A: If you have told someone your pronouns and they didn't give theirs in return, do not assume a gendered pronoun (he or she). First try to avoid using pronouns by rearranging sentences by using the person's name in place of pronouns. If you feel you need to use a pronoun use something gender neutral like they/them until told otherwise.
Q: What do I do if I misgender someone (use the wrong pronouns or refer to someone as the wrong gender)?
A: We are all human and mistakes happen. Most transgender people will tell you they just want the uncomfortable moment to be over as quickly as possible. Apologize and continue the conversation as quickly and casually as possible.
What not to do if you misgender someone:
Don't over-apologize. When you apologize too much it becomes more about alleviating your guilt than minimizing the pain to the person you misgendered. Apologize quickly and move on using the correct language.
Don't try to justify your mistake or offer excuses. You don't need to say something like "I'm sorry; I've just known you for so long a certain way and its a big adjustment". Trans people already know this and don't want to hear it over and over again: It drags out an uncomfortable moment we want to quickly move past.
Don't get defensive, even if someone has called you out for misgendering them or someone else. No one is accusing you of being a bad person: Only your words were wrong. Mistakes are human.
To read more about terminology, check out this excellent glossary
Race
Race
Q: Is calling someone "Black" or "white" or a "person of color" racist?
A: No. Talking about race is not racist. Identifying someone's race is not racist. Racism is prejudice plus power.
From Dr. Monnica T. Williams:
"Let's break it down into simple terms: Colorblind = 'People of color—we don't see you (at least not that bad ‘colored' part).' As a person of color, I like who I am, and I don't want any aspect of that to be unseen or invisible. The need for colorblindness implies there is something shameful about the way God made me and the culture I was born into that we shouldn't talk about. Thus, colorblindness has helped make race into a taboo topic that polite people cannot openly discuss. And if you can't talk about it, you can't understand it, much less fix the racial problems that plague our society."
Q: Am I supposed to say "African-American" or "Black"?
A: First, make sure you really need to refer to someone using their race. It's completely fine to refer to someone's race in certain instances.
The most respectful way to refer to someone's race is to know which racial group that individual person identifies with. It is okay to say "Black," and if you are unsure of how someone identifies, this is the best term to use. "African-American" can be problematic: Black people have ancestry from many different places, not just Africa. A person from Haiti or someone with Jamaican ancestry is not African-American. However, some people do identify as "African-American", in which case that term should be used.
Bottom line: If you know which term an individual identifies with, always use it.
Note: If you are writing the word Black in reference to race, always capitalize it. It is a descriptive word and should be followed up by another word (ie: Black students, Black staff, Black faculty, Black people). Never use "Blacks" with an s at the end.
This article delves into the disagreements about whether to capitalize Black. Despite the fact that there are disagreements even within the Black community, Equity Buckfield has heard a strong preference for capitalizaion from our own Black neighbors and community members. We will capitalize.
Q: Should I say "Native American" "Indian" "Indigenous" or something else?
A: From the National Museum of the American Indian:
"All of these terms are acceptable. The consensus, however, is that whenever possible, Native people prefer to be called by their specific tribal name. In the United States, Native American has been widely used but is falling out of favor with some groups, and the terms American Indian or Indigenous American are preferred by many Native people. Native peoples often have individual preferences on how they would like to be addressed. When talking about Native groups or people, use the terminology the members of the community use to describe themselves collectively."
For a more in-depth explanation from the Museum, click here.
Immigrants in Lewiston and throughout Maine
Immigrants in Lewiston and throughout Maine
Since 2001, Lewiston (a city near Buckfield) has become home to many African immigrants. It's crucial for white people in the community to learn as much as possible about our immigrant neighbors.
Q: Why are there so many "Somalians" in Lewiston, Maine?
A: There are immigrants from many African (and other) countries living in Lewiston and throughout Maine. The Lewiston community includes families from Somalia, Djbouti, Ethiopia, Cameroon, the Central African Republic, Rwanda, Burundi, Sudan, South Sudan, Congo, The Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), Angola, and several others. Lewiston also has a growing population of families from Afghanistan (Afghan people) and immigrants from Ukraine, China, and other countries around the world. Many immigrants to the United States move to communities where they will find others who share the culture and experiences of their home countries, and this is certainly true of our Somali neighbors. Check out the book Home Now for more history of the Somali population in Lewiston.
Q: What do I call people who have immigrated from Somalia?
A: Somali or Somalian. But remember, Somalians are only one of many countries represented by the immigrant population in Maine.
Q: What are the head coverings some Somali women wear?
A: You can't tell what country someone is from just by looking at them or observing what they wear. Many African Muslim women wear the hijab (pronounced HIH-job), but some don't. There are many Muslim families from Somalia in Maine, but there are also Muslim families from Djbouti, Ethiopia, Cameroon, the DRC, and other countries. If you see someone wearing the hijab, don't assume they are from Somalia, although they might be.
Q: Are immigrants in Lewiston illegal?
People aren't illegal, and it's offensive to refer to them in that way. What you are probably asking is "What is the immigration status of [person] or [group]?" This is also not very polite to ask or discuss, as this information is personal and there are not many instances where you are entitled to it.
Most immigrants in Maine are either refugees or asylum seekers. Both are legal, documented statuses in the immigration system.
Refugees are individuals and families who have fled their home country and are living in a country where they have sought asylum. Each individual is submitted to a refugee resettlement program, including the US, and goes through an extensive process before being granted resettlement. The US caps the number of refugees it accepts each year: For 2022, that number is 125,000. Refugees arrive with work permits and, in many cases, with housing. While Maine is not a primary settlement location for refugees, many have moved here from their primary settlement locations to join communities of others from their home nation.
Asylum seekers are individuals and families fleeing persecution in their home countries. These immigrants must be physically present in the United States or at a port of entry to apply for asylum and must then apply to be granted asylum. Asylum seekers are not allowed to work until one year (365 days) after they have officially applied for asylum.
Q: If I can't refer to them as "illegal", then what do I say?
Again, make sure you need to be referring to someone in this way. If so, "immigrant" is fine. In Maine, we also frequently refer to our immigrant neighbors as "New Mainers". "Undocumented" is the appropriate term for immigrants whose presence in the US is unknown to immigration authorities.
Disabilities
Disabilities
Q: Can I ask someone about their disability?
A: This depends on the person, but most people with disabilities will tell you it's better to ask respectful questions than it is to make assumptions. And its important that you accept "no" as a perfectly fine answer if you ask to talk about their disability.
While we are on the topic, its good to ask if they need help before just simply assuming they need your help. A simple "Can I help you with that?" or "Would you like a hand with that?" will go a long way.
It's also good to ask someone about other aspects of their lives so their disability is not all you are seeing about them. Do they have hobbies? Do they like to read? They're humans and you might have more in common than you think.
For more about disability terminology and etiquette, check out this article and this guide.
Q: Is it "Autistic person", "person with Autism", "person who is Autistic", "person on the Autism spectrum" or something else?
A: This is a conflict about terminology even within the autism community. Again, clarify what an individual prefers, if you can. Professionals usually use "person with autism."
The term "Asperger's" is outdated. Do not use it. It is a painful subject within the autism community.
For more on language surrounding autism, check out this article and this article.
Have a question you need help with that's not on this list?
Please feel free to email us at equitybuckfield [at] gmail [dot] com or DM us on our socials.
We are more than happy to help if we can!
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